Soon after finding out that I no longer had to comply with my education plan from 2008, I felt relief. Maybe shooting myself in the foot was a blessing. I went to my mom's house and cried and sought comfort from her. She comforted me... did you read that... she comforted me. That is huge!!! After talking to her, I felt better and I realized that maybe nursing isn't right for me. I've had so many obstacles to overcome, but since becoming a nurse was on my ed. plan, I felt sort of obligated to go down that path. I feel passionless. I feel like I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with my life. What is my life's purpose?
The morning before I found out that I would no longer receive financial aid, I enrolled in Micro biology. I was looking at the syllabus and could feel myself shutting down. I wanted to crawl into bed and never get out.
I find it amazing that I'm a pretty strong woman and I have had an interesting life and I can usually adapt to anything, but when it comes to biology, I shut down. I'm completely aware of shutting down, but I cannot pull myself up and dust myself off, and do the work. I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel so confused because these bio classes are hard, but I know I could learn the information, but I cannot make myself buckle down and learn what I need to know. I don't know how to study for it either. Basically, I don't try and I constantly feel like giving up. It's not a good situation.
Before Bella had her puppies, I thought that I was going to switch my major. Then, I helped Bella deliver her puppies and it felt like I received a huge awakening that I'm supposed to be a mid-wife. But, now with all of the new information, I have decided that I'm going to change my profession once and for all. For now, I believe I'm going into Psychology. I have taken three classes already and got A's in all three classes. I love learning about it, and reading the book. I have to work hard, but it's enjoyable. It's way easier for me than biology.
I changed my schedule the same day that I found out about my financial aid. Instead of taking Micro biology, I'm going to take two Psychology classes and a running for fitness class. I'll be in school Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
As of right now, I feel like I maybe on the right path for my life, but I'm still unsure.
2 comments:
Awesome!
All you can do Dusty is go with what feels right - and it doesn't mean it can never change. Change is constant, but you have to start somewhere so keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm happy for you that you feel good about this decision and VERY happy that you and your mom had such a special moment together. That is HUGE :) xoxo Tera
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